01 August 2009


It's the same one every night.

Jake is in the dark ocean and the storm is back, whipping the surface waves.  He turns and turns but he can't find the boat, can't find Sam. He yells for his name and the water is freezing, so cold his penis is shrinking to nothing and he can almost feel his lips turning blue, so scared he feels like his heart might jump right out of his throat and skip away across the water to dry land and warmth and safety.
Something brushes his leg and he laughs and yells 'Sam, stop it, asshole, you scared me.'
But there's no response, just more wind and rain, and the something brushes against his leg again and suddenly grabs his leg hard, like ten of his dad's friend Sydney hard, and he fights but it drags him beneath the waves.
He sees an eye that seems to have no life or emotion in it rush by him.  And another.  And more.  And all around him, glinting through the lightning-lit ocean, glimpses of rows of jagged, cruel, serrated teeth.  And his air is giving out fast and all he can do is scream for Sam but there's no answer and the teeth are closer...closer...closer...

And he wakes up with a scream this time, it was worse than usual, Sam was already awake and jumps so high he almost knocks himself out on the cabin roof.
'What the fuck?' he asks him.
And Jake wants to tell him but he can't, this can't be real, every time Sam says 'no plans' Jake wants to shake him and tell him he's not built like that and fuck if it were anyone but Sam he would never have done any of this or trusted any of this enough to agree to it.  He just wonders how he's gonna keep living like this, 'cos he can't sleep for shit but he wants to because he really feels like, just maybe for the first time in his life, he cares about someone as much as himself, hell, much more than himself, which is also pretty fucking scary.

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