It's dawn and Sam doesn't know what woke him.
Stumble around grab a sip of the awful wine and find the door.
Jake crashes onto him and he slips cos there's blood everywhere. He looks around and all he sees is those eyes so scared and fuck they're going to black.
'I loved you,' he says.
27 September 2009
26 September 2009
Dawn comes earlier to Sam than Jake who is still asleep beside the fire they had made away from the wrecked Honda.
Sam's going through the boot, tools, tow rope, gas in a container, tubing, some old clothes.
He takes the tubing and attaches it to the exhaust pipe, he opens the driver side door, shuts it quietly and places the clothes along the frame, key into ignition, turns, engine fires and the exhaust odour starts to fill the car.
He sits back and shuts his eyes.
Words, a word really runs through his mind, over and over;
loser
loser
loser
loser
loser
loser
loser
los er
lo s er
l o se r
loooo ssss e rrrrr
Sam's going through the boot, tools, tow rope, gas in a container, tubing, some old clothes.
He takes the tubing and attaches it to the exhaust pipe, he opens the driver side door, shuts it quietly and places the clothes along the frame, key into ignition, turns, engine fires and the exhaust odour starts to fill the car.
He sits back and shuts his eyes.
Words, a word really runs through his mind, over and over;
loser
loser
loser
loser
loser
loser
loser
los er
lo s er
l o se r
loooo ssss e rrrrr
25 September 2009
abyssal love.
He gets that he's not supposed to know where he is, their strategies, all the bullshit. But this is just plain torture cos the fat guard who's popped several buttons off the bottom of his shirt is trying to stuff his face with a sandwich that smells like a homeless man's armpits and acting like he's having sex with it, it's spilling out of his half-closed mouth. And he's been noticing the security, well the lack of it, they leave the doors open half the time and this one of those times so he ambles out.
'Is Sydney coming to pick us up?'
And the guard doesn't it even bother to swallow, just opens his mouth wider so food is falling out and it sounds like he says 'whos Sydney' and Sam asks where Jake is and the guard says 'two doors down on-' before he realizes he wasn't supposed to.
It's well past three AM and the place is dead quiet until this cos Sam just loses it, he picks up the metal chair next to the man like a box of tissues and slams it down on him so hard he doesn't even have time to drop his sandwich, there's just a squish and a crack and he's gone in a pool of blood. He waits a second, half expecting the room to fill with guards or something, but there's none. It's a derelict military hospital anyone who was halfway good at their job would never wind up in.
Now he's thinking fast cos two doors only means one direction and he grabs one of the twenty packets of catsup the man took with his sandwich but never used and he finds the door and there he is, all scrunched up on the floor, not even on the bed, and he looks up and says 'Sam?'
And he looks so scared and rushes into Sam's arms and Sam holds him for just a minute cos he has to make it clear what's next is going to be real bad and he knows once he does that then he'll be fine.
Door.
Key one, key two...key ten.
Startled orderly with the injections they make them take.
Jake smashes his face like a pinata. Sick crunch, body drops, syringes everywhere.
Now the exit is in sight.
Stuff catsup into Jake's mouth.
Guard looks surprised cos Jake is coughing up red everywhere, doesn't even put his hand on the gun.
He's really sick officer they said we need a real hospital.
Panicked guard drops his guard.
Empty syringe to the neck, twitch, twitch, one more down.
Take gun, find keys. Honda.
Parking lot. Honda, Honda, Honda, where the fuck is it, oh there.
Crash gates. Guard was asleep so he probably never even saw.
Countryside, trees, bats, night and distance and safety and watch the Honda sail off into the dark of the sea below.
Alone again and safe, off the road, staring at the sky for the first time in weeks and now breathing the cool night air tinged with the scent of some strange flower.
Tastes like death but everything does now as long as they're together it's okay. See boats, small fishing village where no one thinks to lock things up or register them, sirens way in distance, time to go, run for it, pick a boat, any boat, go to sea and never see people again and burn and destroy anyone and anything that stands in the way of that dream, even if die trying, die together in each other's arms.
Forget it with wild sex and really awful wine that tastes like a diabetic old man's feet but does the job, cum, fuck, kiss, love all of it is just them and the open sea and the stars and disappearing from everyone and everything forever whatever that ends up meaning.
He ruffles Jake's hair while he sleeps and kisses him. Dawn comes soon, they will take stock of what they have to defend themselves if they need to and never see another rotting city again but make their own instead.
'Is Sydney coming to pick us up?'
And the guard doesn't it even bother to swallow, just opens his mouth wider so food is falling out and it sounds like he says 'whos Sydney' and Sam asks where Jake is and the guard says 'two doors down on-' before he realizes he wasn't supposed to.
It's well past three AM and the place is dead quiet until this cos Sam just loses it, he picks up the metal chair next to the man like a box of tissues and slams it down on him so hard he doesn't even have time to drop his sandwich, there's just a squish and a crack and he's gone in a pool of blood. He waits a second, half expecting the room to fill with guards or something, but there's none. It's a derelict military hospital anyone who was halfway good at their job would never wind up in.
Now he's thinking fast cos two doors only means one direction and he grabs one of the twenty packets of catsup the man took with his sandwich but never used and he finds the door and there he is, all scrunched up on the floor, not even on the bed, and he looks up and says 'Sam?'
And he looks so scared and rushes into Sam's arms and Sam holds him for just a minute cos he has to make it clear what's next is going to be real bad and he knows once he does that then he'll be fine.
Door.
Key one, key two...key ten.
Startled orderly with the injections they make them take.
Jake smashes his face like a pinata. Sick crunch, body drops, syringes everywhere.
Now the exit is in sight.
Stuff catsup into Jake's mouth.
Guard looks surprised cos Jake is coughing up red everywhere, doesn't even put his hand on the gun.
He's really sick officer they said we need a real hospital.
Panicked guard drops his guard.
Empty syringe to the neck, twitch, twitch, one more down.
Take gun, find keys. Honda.
Parking lot. Honda, Honda, Honda, where the fuck is it, oh there.
Crash gates. Guard was asleep so he probably never even saw.
Countryside, trees, bats, night and distance and safety and watch the Honda sail off into the dark of the sea below.
Alone again and safe, off the road, staring at the sky for the first time in weeks and now breathing the cool night air tinged with the scent of some strange flower.
Tastes like death but everything does now as long as they're together it's okay. See boats, small fishing village where no one thinks to lock things up or register them, sirens way in distance, time to go, run for it, pick a boat, any boat, go to sea and never see people again and burn and destroy anyone and anything that stands in the way of that dream, even if die trying, die together in each other's arms.
Forget it with wild sex and really awful wine that tastes like a diabetic old man's feet but does the job, cum, fuck, kiss, love all of it is just them and the open sea and the stars and disappearing from everyone and everything forever whatever that ends up meaning.
He ruffles Jake's hair while he sleeps and kisses him. Dawn comes soon, they will take stock of what they have to defend themselves if they need to and never see another rotting city again but make their own instead.
23 September 2009
Fucked by North West.
so this is it, is it, thinks Sam
Our position
Place, fucking unknown, no one will say anything.
Army, UN I think, loads of different languages spoken.
Jake, in some room, they say hospital wing, I don't know, it's just what they say.
Me, what is this a cell?
Concrete, 12X10
Bed, mattress, duvet, washbasin, bog.
Me.
Light...dim
A little hatch in the door to look through, when I do it's a corridor, another wall, concrete. No one around I can see. Door metal, locked, trapped.
Last I saw of Jake was when we landed and a load of soldiers rushed the 'copter, bending under the slowing blades, doors slide open, four soldiers climb up, push my head down, hood it, arms pulled behind my back, head pushed forward, marched forward, down a ramp, air, warm, a breeze, inside, echoes, empty maybe, voices, Italian maybe, Spanish..hmm and German or was it Dutch, maybe Finnish or Danish dunno.
Then into this room I guess, hood off, eyes adjusting to the light as the last exits the room, his back, green uniform, is that?
Our current fucking position. North by Fucked North-West.
I shut my eyes and conjure a mental image of a razor blade, still wrapped in waxy paper cover, I pull up my sleeve, cletch my fist, veins raise, I unwrap the blade, run my arm under hot water, soften the cutting surface, dry, hot arm, drag blade up, always cut up the arm, up, opening the vein, spilling the blood, it runs, down, hits the floor, I watch as it spills, there's no cell, no danger, no Jake, no love there's just death facing me and that's all good.
Our position
Place, fucking unknown, no one will say anything.
Army, UN I think, loads of different languages spoken.
Jake, in some room, they say hospital wing, I don't know, it's just what they say.
Me, what is this a cell?
Concrete, 12X10
Bed, mattress, duvet, washbasin, bog.
Me.
Light...dim
A little hatch in the door to look through, when I do it's a corridor, another wall, concrete. No one around I can see. Door metal, locked, trapped.
Last I saw of Jake was when we landed and a load of soldiers rushed the 'copter, bending under the slowing blades, doors slide open, four soldiers climb up, push my head down, hood it, arms pulled behind my back, head pushed forward, marched forward, down a ramp, air, warm, a breeze, inside, echoes, empty maybe, voices, Italian maybe, Spanish..hmm and German or was it Dutch, maybe Finnish or Danish dunno.
Then into this room I guess, hood off, eyes adjusting to the light as the last exits the room, his back, green uniform, is that?
Our current fucking position. North by Fucked North-West.
I shut my eyes and conjure a mental image of a razor blade, still wrapped in waxy paper cover, I pull up my sleeve, cletch my fist, veins raise, I unwrap the blade, run my arm under hot water, soften the cutting surface, dry, hot arm, drag blade up, always cut up the arm, up, opening the vein, spilling the blood, it runs, down, hits the floor, I watch as it spills, there's no cell, no danger, no Jake, no love there's just death facing me and that's all good.
03 September 2009
It's dawn.
Their host, pulling them up, saying things in a quiet yell that Sam can't understand.
'Saved'
And that he understands.
Rush.
Backpacks, get the backpacks, wake up, Jake, wake the fuck up.
More hands.
They're speaking German.
It's not even light out yet.
They push hard but its not angry it's scared.
Flop-flop-flop helicopter.
Men with machine guns. Opposite sides, easy to tell, neither one wants to get the other angry.
Schnell, schnell.
Grabbing them rough hands and all he can do is make sure Jake is right there.
Gunshot.
Blurry.
Grab Jake makes sure he's okay look into those eyes to double-check.
Screams. Now German and Italian and something else.
More gunshots.
Man dragging them screams and giant spittoon of blood jumps from his mouth.
Other man tackles them down and yelling in Italian.
Lots of gunshots.
correrre, correre!
And Sam just gets it and pulling Jake up and there's the chopper and fuck it seems so far off.
More gunshots and Sam knocks them down cos he feels something fly past his head and Jake screams but he doesn't know why and then they're back up only a couple of meters and now this sounds like a proper war shit is bouncing off the copter and he hears people screaming in multiple languages which needs no translation cos it's obvious they're screaming for their mothers and there's blood all over them and now he notices Jake is whining and some of the blood on him doesn't belong to others and he's looking at Sam and they're lifting off but he looks scared like never before and all Sam can do is hold him and comfort him til they get clear of this so he just buries his face in his shirt and lets him cry and scream cos he got hit so it hurts and he guesses it hurts bad.
He looks like a scared puppy in Sam's arms and now Sam's gonna be sick cos the fucking copter is pitching like crazy and all thats below them is ocean blue and forever and he just looks into his eyes and doesnt try to speak cos if he opens his mouth he's gonna puke so he lets his eyes do the talking but he's scared as fuck cos most of the blood on him is Jake's and he's well soaked so rips his T-shirt and tries to wrap it where it looks like he got hit to stop he blood and Jake screams and he's getting yelled at in languages he doesn't speak so he just says 'fuck off' cos he's trying his best and he knows he has to make him stay awake he's never felt so scared, ever.
Their host, pulling them up, saying things in a quiet yell that Sam can't understand.
'Saved'
And that he understands.
Rush.
Backpacks, get the backpacks, wake up, Jake, wake the fuck up.
More hands.
They're speaking German.
It's not even light out yet.
They push hard but its not angry it's scared.
Flop-flop-flop helicopter.
Men with machine guns. Opposite sides, easy to tell, neither one wants to get the other angry.
Schnell, schnell.
Grabbing them rough hands and all he can do is make sure Jake is right there.
Gunshot.
Blurry.
Grab Jake makes sure he's okay look into those eyes to double-check.
Screams. Now German and Italian and something else.
More gunshots.
Man dragging them screams and giant spittoon of blood jumps from his mouth.
Other man tackles them down and yelling in Italian.
Lots of gunshots.
correrre, correre!
And Sam just gets it and pulling Jake up and there's the chopper and fuck it seems so far off.
More gunshots and Sam knocks them down cos he feels something fly past his head and Jake screams but he doesn't know why and then they're back up only a couple of meters and now this sounds like a proper war shit is bouncing off the copter and he hears people screaming in multiple languages which needs no translation cos it's obvious they're screaming for their mothers and there's blood all over them and now he notices Jake is whining and some of the blood on him doesn't belong to others and he's looking at Sam and they're lifting off but he looks scared like never before and all Sam can do is hold him and comfort him til they get clear of this so he just buries his face in his shirt and lets him cry and scream cos he got hit so it hurts and he guesses it hurts bad.
He looks like a scared puppy in Sam's arms and now Sam's gonna be sick cos the fucking copter is pitching like crazy and all thats below them is ocean blue and forever and he just looks into his eyes and doesnt try to speak cos if he opens his mouth he's gonna puke so he lets his eyes do the talking but he's scared as fuck cos most of the blood on him is Jake's and he's well soaked so rips his T-shirt and tries to wrap it where it looks like he got hit to stop he blood and Jake screams and he's getting yelled at in languages he doesn't speak so he just says 'fuck off' cos he's trying his best and he knows he has to make him stay awake he's never felt so scared, ever.
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