At the same time, tho, they both know that something has changed forever...and Sam can't get that sickening feeling that they were stupid to ever think that this would go any other way from the start, or maybe just desperately hoping against hope it didn't have to.
And maybe now it was too fucked up to ever totally fix, forever they would be walking around with angry ghosts chasing them, how many neither of them was sure, five, ten, maybe more? Some like Sydney had asked for it, just maybe, but for some there was no denying that the only thing they ever did was cross paths with them at the wrong time, and maybe this was Sam's fault cos Jake was always a bit dangerous. He'd made the boy desperate, how own brother, damaged him some way cos he trusted Sam like no one else, and where would this end, cos he remembers still giving him too many Xannys that one time and wonders if Jake's ever started down that road with him.
That trust didn't scare Sam so bad cos he felt like this would end badly, maybe not tomorrow or the next day, but it probably would, and he hoped if he died it would be by Jake's hand and not some random stupid event. Sometimes when he was off by himself he fantasized about that moment, fantasized cos it seemed like only way the two of them could be together in peace forever.