30 April 2010

Apparently the Police are searching David across his State. But as he has a history of running away I’m sure it’s more out of duty than anything else. David told me that once he was gone for almost two months. God, two months! My head is swimming after just 72 hours with this kid... come 8 weeks I’d be an absolute train wreck. I’ve already begun having thoughts of not letting him go, doing something that would be irreversible... I just don’t think I can give this one up.

David hasn’t fucked me since that first night. He’s wanted to, and I’ve wanted it even more, but for once in this life I managed to control myself... to protect myself. Instead I have taken on the skin of his past abusers and fuck him with horrendous violence put in each thrust. It’s like hurting him to tell him “I love you!” Trying to make him feel the pain of my involvement. After sex, if that’s what it is, he lays stomach down on the bed with his arsehole swollen and open like a toothless mouth. It can take anywhere up to 4 hours before it finally deflates and he is able to turn over. In that time he just quietly reads his comics. He must be in absolute discomfort but he never says a word, just laughs now and again then grimaces as his joy inadvertantly makes his butt mucles clench. My aim is to hurt him enough with my passion so I will not have to have him hurt me with his. It’s a very, very fine line I am walking.

But it’s not all like that... that is a very small part of the story. For the most part we sit together and watch things. David teaches me about his world and I teach him about mine. In those hours we are worlds away.

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